So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
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