The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
God I need to hump something, right now.
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