As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
