and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
