In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
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The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
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He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
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