I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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