it was like his penis was on wheels.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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