woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
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Boobs speak an international language.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
