I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
