You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
