Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
