This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
