The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
