don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm determined to sit on that face.
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