I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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