He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
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He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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