Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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