I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
