Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
high people should be assigned attendants
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
