I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
my being single is dangerous.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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