I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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