you're like a bully in the Christmas story
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
