I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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