We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
