I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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