i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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