she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
