I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize