So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I can't turn off my feet"
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
