I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.