I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.