Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.