i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."