you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
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If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
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The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine