I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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