I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
