do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
