I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
