smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
