I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
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Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
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