I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Randomize
