the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
