i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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