I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
