So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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