So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
