I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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