I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
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This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
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I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
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