Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
