M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
