eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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