I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
