my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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