Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
