I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
