from now on my penis is your penis
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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