Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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