what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
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You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
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My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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