I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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