You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
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His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
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Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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