the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
