he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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