Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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