Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize