i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
