It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
