Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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